I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
