we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize