Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
