i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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