If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
