She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
