mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
