He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
