Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
