I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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