i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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