dude i'm inner monologue high
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
