five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
