She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
