my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
