dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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