Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm too high and old for this...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
