I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
