I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
