nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My friends, they love my intelligence
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
