What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My life is pants optional.
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