You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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