Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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