4 words: hood of his car
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
