I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
