Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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