Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
