i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize