yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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