Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
