tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
