i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
