we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
