Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
