Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
