The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i've created a new STD.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
