Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I love having hate sex.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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