umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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