Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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