why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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