Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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