i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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