i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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