i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
