Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
