she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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