i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
