the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
