my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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