she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
