Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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