He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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