hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
