By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
