Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
