I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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