so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
