ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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