Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
