Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
