I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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