Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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