normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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