i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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