Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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