bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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