Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
