I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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