Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
