Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
