guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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