just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
