I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
