weddingsv make me drug and hornr
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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