well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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